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Mabelyn.com Diary: 06.02.00. .Mabelyn.com Diary: 05.25.00. .Mabelyn.com Diary: 07.06.00 ..Mabelyn.com Diary: 07.01.00 ..Mabelyn.com Diary: 06.05.00 ..Mabelyn.com Diary: 04.21.00
The power of thought.
The power of word.
The power of life.
The power of heart.
The power of hope.
The power of art.
The power of truth.
The power of regression.
The power of youth.
The power of opression.
The power of tomorrow.
The power of lust.
The power of sorrow.
The power of trust.
The power of sin.
The power of love.
The power of death.
The power of politics.
The power of choice.
The power of corruption.
The power of desire.
The power of seduction.
The power of birth.
The power of obsession.
The power of now.
The power of yet.
The power of freedom.
The power of God.
The power of one.
The power of woman.
The power of one woman.
The power of expression.
The power of omission.
The power of power.
Mabelyn.com Diary: 05.02.00

Mabelyn.com Diary: 05.15.00

Mabelyn.com Diary: 05.20.00

Mabelyn.com Diary: 05.22.00

1. Who is Mabelyn and what is Mabelyn.com?
It's questions like, "Who is Mabelyn?" that make me nervous. What am I supposed to say to that? Whatever I am can't certainly boil down to one sentence...or can it? Am I just totally full of myself or am I a modest, genius in hiding? Should I tell you? Who do I think I am? I mean, really, who the hell do I think I am? I think I'm scared to have a high opinion of myself, but I know the high opinion is lurking in there just waiting to be let out. It's a well known fact that people don't like other people who think they are better than them. It's also a well known fact that in order to have healthy social relationships one must always put oneself down and kiss someone else's ass. No? Well, since I've never done that I'm not about to start now. Kissing ass is simply not part of Mabelyn. Mabelyn doesn't know how. Replace the "ss" in kiss and substitute with a "ck" and there you have it. Kick ass.

Mabelyn.com: What the hell is it? Is it the mad ravings of a Cubana or is it the deep convergence of the cosmos? Mabelyn.com is my little blackboard where I get to tell the whole world off if I feel like it. This is where I come to cry, to sing and dance. This is my virtual home; my virtual life...but of course each life must have its secrets, so half the time I'm keeping the good stuff to myself. If you only knew the things that are really happening between the sheets or otherwise...you'd probably lose respect for me, as would my parents. The hits would probably increase though ;)

2. How long have you been on-line?
I've been online since I first started Scarlet Sanctuary back in 1996. I registered Mabelyn.com in 1998. I figure if your name is not taken...why not?

3. What's the site traffic like?
I rather not answer that. I'm into quality not quantity.

4. You spend a lot of time working on Mabelyn.com. Have you discovered that the site has redefined you as a person? as an artist?
I need to always be on the move, I need to lead, to create and evolve. I am not a follower, could never be. The latest incarnation of Mabelyn.com was born from despair [back in March], but now I think it too is evolving. I am learning from reading myself if that makes any sense. Expressing these thoughts and feelings is vital to who I am today and it's probably affecting who I will become tomorrow. For me sometimes the process is more important than the result. Sometimes the end doesn't justify the means. I think one of the best descriptions of what I'm trying to do came from Chris Kirkman [at Battleatlantic.com] when he referred to me as a digital impressionist. When my site has been down I have felt deprived of my own experience.

5. The intimacy issue: You share your personal thoughts with hundreds, potentially thousands of people whose faces you never see - are you an exhibitionist by nature?
Sometimes I think my space has been raped, and I often find myself losing my nerve when I think that my mom is reading this and people at work are reading this and my friends are reading this. It has taken a lot of courage to write some of this stuff. Sometimes I get angry phone calls from people that I know. As you can imagine they don't necessarily enjoy having their lives posted on the great and prolific WWW. Prior to the online journal I had a great big site of nothing...it was all eye-candy and at a certain point it just wasn't enough. It wasn't me. I realized I needed to say more.

I write these words to myself but perhaps they are for others. Perhaps I am reaching out, trying to quench that terrible need for acceptance; trying to show someone, somewhere the things that I have been feeling. In the end, if you don't remember yourself no one else will.

Am I a slave to my web page? Maybe. Am I too personal? Not nearly, so don't worry about it. For all you know I'm lying about everything...and "Mabe" doesn't exist at all. She may just be a figment of your imagination.

I've had thoughts of creating another website (a secret one) that you could only stumble on by chance where I can really let go and indulge in all that exhibitionism that I know is in me. Just think, a space where I can really go off and post all those pictures that no one has ever seen. :) or that contains the stuff from the unedited paper journals. Maybe it exists already. [I think that space is called the parking lot across from my living room windows...God knows those people have seen it all...no special URL required...he he he]

6. Where do you see Mabelyn.com (and yourself) in five years? in ten?
I think Mabelyn.com as well as the almighty Mabe will continue evolving. I have been keeping a journal since high school and I don't foresee myself not writing. This is a discipline that has been well developed. I realize that it takes a little bit more than dreams to get something going. It takes hard work and energy and the application of those two things to take a goal to the next level. I am one of the most ambitious and openly aggressive people I know when it comes to chasing my own dreams. Even though right now my life revolves around a series of moments and my immediate goal is to accumulate more of the "good" moments than the "bad" ones, I know that it won't always be this way. I'm at zero right now...starting again in so many ways. Ten years from now I will be famous.

7. Any role models or inspirations we should know about?
I know this sounds completely egotistical [OK, well it sounds down right narcissistic] but I am my own inspiration. There are lots of people that I respect, but I've never been a "fan." I think that I can do anything you can do better. Viva Cuba!

8. Any other projects on your "to do list", artistic or otherwise, you care to share?
I always have new and exciting things up my sleeve. Right now I am concentrating on the website, the art for Century as well as Trinity and the usual "other" stuff which includes a series of paintings [oil], and my photography. The film thing has been on the back burner for a while until the inspiration bug hits me to do another animated short.

9. Any other comments?
l always have an opinion. My father used to always tell me that if I found myself in a fight to make sure I would be the first to hit not be hit. I think that's good advice in general. In addition: Es mejor tener muchas cosas en la cabeza que muchas cabezas en la cosa. God...I will need a whole new page for this question...so I better stop here. Go to my website. Go to it now. Just do IT!

P.S. I love you all, especially you, Robert...



"Give it to me straight up, no frilly elaborations on what you think but think you can't say to me because you're afraid of what I'll think of you. Give it to me straight up, hold the ice and the lime, hold the little umbrella and the Coke, hold the sugar and the milk. Hold all the extraneous bullshit of pleasantry. Hold the politeness because there's no nice way of telling someone that you don't love them anymore."

"What? You find me intimidating, aloof, strangely indifferent, you wish you knew? What happens when there are no answers to be had? What happens when the night is endless and you're trapped? What happens now? What happens to all of us once we've disappeared? Sometimes it's as easy as realizing that there's no cosmic punisher. That we do not need to suffer to learn lessons. That there's no grand circular wheel with the word fortune carved on it. Maybe all we have is this mortal coil, this skin that we live in, the skin that eventually wrinkles and rots. Maybe we can't be saved by helping the old lady cross the street, or by going to church or doing things right. Maybe the only way to save ourselves is to follow our hearts."

"My desire for acceptance has taken me down the darkest roads I've ever known. Loving myself won't be easy, but I will try. I am worthy of love. I am worthy of happiness. The cycle of repentance must be broken. I have to stop lashing myself, have to stop pouring salt on the wounds. If I am not prepared to love myself how can I hope to love another?"

"Walking these streets, I've seen a million faces. I've worn the mask that grins and smiles."

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